The purpose of this series is to offer some basic “entry points” for beginning to explore your Minimum Factor graph.
This post is for those whose Minimum Factor is Loving Relationships.
Two initial points need to be made.
First, all the questions relate to the degree to which the relationships in the church reflect what Christian Schwarz refers to as the scriptural “ingredients of love”. At the highest level this means relationships which reflect justice, truth and grace. The higher a question’s result, the greater its contribution to the church community being biblically loving.
Secondly, the questions are included in the survey because it has been shown to high degree of accuracy in international statistical terms that they distinguish healthy growing churches from those in decline. In effect, churches attracting higher scores for these questions are more likely to be growing, and vice versa. Not liking the questions, or thinking other questions would be better, in no way detracts from those appearing on the graph.
1. “We appreciate each other’s contributions”
Q35 – The atmosphere of our church is strongly influenced by praise and compliments
Q83 – Our leaders regularly praise and acknowledge volunteers
Q48 – When someone in our church does a good job I tell them
How many people feel their regular contributions to the church community are undervalued or even go unnoticed because others take them for granted? On the other hand, who has not felt a lift in their spirits by someone taking the time to say an encouraging word, send them a card or type an email. Specific feedback on exactly what is appreciated is the most valuable encouragement.
In healthy churches, encouragement is embedded in the culture (‘atmosphere’) because leaders role model it and individuals take responsibility for encouraging one another. Compare your results here with the complementary questions in Gift-based Ministry: Q8, Q16, Q26.
2. “What’s the mood here?”
Q32 – There is a lot of joy and laughter in our church
Q43 – I know of people in our church with bitterness towards others
Q80 – If I have a disagreement with a member of our church, I will go to them in order to resolve it
It’s amazing how quickly new people pick up the ‘vibe’ in a church. It plays a significant role in their deciding whether to stay or leave. Church ‘mood’ is vital to health. It’s always great to be in a church where you’re talking to someone and keep getting interrupted by peals of laughter emanating from groups somewhere nearby. On the other hand, it is quite intimidating to be in an environment marked by avoidance, critical spirits and the absence of encouragement.
Leaders need to work on the “atmosphere”: encouraging relationships; growing people not just doing tasks; addressing tensions as they arise; and having a clear process for conflict resolution.
3. “Are we friends?”
Q39 – I can rely on my friends at church
Trick question. If you can’t rely on your friends at church are they really friends? This is about trust in relationships. Is the church a community where people are growing relationships that are dependable? What are the consequences of being in a church where you can’t grow reliable friendships?
4. “The relational onion”
Q14 – I find it easy to tell other Christians about my feelings
Q30 – In our church it is possible to talk with other people about personal problems
Q61 – Our leaders show concern for the personal problems of those in ministry
Q59 – I share with various people in our church about my spiritual journey
If memory serves me correctly, it was Christian psychologist Dr Larry Crabb who spoke about growing in relationship being like peeling away the layers of an onion, the layers getting softer the further you go towards the centre. I like this analogy with respect to these four questions.
Christians need to grow in relationships that permit and encourage the sharing of feelings. They need to be able to admit to one another when they’re ‘up’ or ‘down’. It follows that relationships should grow to the point where people can share personal problems and not be concerned that they will be looked down on, judged or deemed unworthy as believers. Then at the very core is the freedom and encouragement to walk the journey of faith together honestly and openly.
For such relationships to grow in a church there must be trust, the absence of the ‘critical spirit’ and leaders prepared to show the way in their relationships. It is very hard to grow a church if these aspects of relationships are largely missing.
In many churches people find it hard to get even through the first layer. You’ve heard it all before: “We don’t talk about such things at our church”; “Our faith is private”; “Our church preaches victory in Jesus so I can’t tell others when I’m having a difficult time”; “There are lots of people here but I always feel alone and isolated”; “Our church is more about running programs than helping people grow relationships”; “I’d never tell anyone in this church what I was feeling, it leaks like a sieve.”
Compare your results for these questions with complementary questions elsewhere in the NCD Survey: Empowering Leadership – Q20; Passionate Spirituality – Q41; Holistic Small Groups – Q90, Q49, Q55, Q34, Q11.